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Saying GoodbyeI feel trapped
I went from top
To rock bottom.
I've been mopped
Off the floor.
I am weak from fatigue
I am dead from the war.
Mind is gone.
Insanity fills the room
Laughter in the halls.
This is the point of no return
I've crossed over the line.
So this is my end
You must say goodbye.
Never The Same AgainShattered tears,
And bloodshot eyes;
And a broken mind.
All because he
He caused this pain;
But he can hurt me no more
Washed away like rain.
Then why do I feel like,
Like nothing has changed.
He'll never go away
I'm haunted all the same.
And blood soaked sheets;
No more fears,
Only broken dreams.
SwampwaterHanging under the willow tree
Rotted corpses lie.
The bodies of past sinners
Destined here to die.
Guided by an angel
With broken wings of black.
Takes them to a willow tree
Where there is no turning back.
No feet to be seen.
He glides above,
And through hollow eyes sees.
Black feathered vultures caw
Warnings of their coming end.
Broken souls further mauled
Until taken by death.
Swaying is the willow tree
Where you stand in trance.
Mesmerized by the branche's sway
Trapped here your final day.
Crimson red flows
Onto colorless, dry grass.
As your body sinks
Taken by the swamp water.
I Won't GoI can feel the cold steel
Against my head.
I can see the darkness
I'm becoming numb
I can't leave yet.
I still have time
To live my life.
I can see a light
At the end of a tunnel;
But I don't want to go
So I stay on my side.
I can stay for eternity
Waiting to come back;
But I won't step towards the light
Fear No MoreWe play hide and seek
With out inner demons.
Sometimes we try to hide,
Escaping the terrors;
And other times we search
Trying to find them.
Facing your demons
Can make you stronger.
It's not just a game,
It is your life,
And you should live it
Without the fear of those devils.
The GravediggerI've been digging holes,
But I can't fill them up.
I've been creating scars
That will never heal enough.
I've been living a war
I can feel the tears
As bullets find there mark
In my friends' heads.
I'm a grave digger,
But I can't bury my past;
So it sits and rots
In the graveyard of my mind.
Dreams are filled with trenches
Full of mud and corpses;
As I run through this maze
I feel the bony fingers
Try to take me away.
They his at my "fortune",
Cursing me for living.
They blame me for their deaths,
For leaving them behind.
Living is the real curse though.
To live each day
Relieving that retched nightmare;
And my only escape from this hell
Is to dig my own grave.
World of my MindTasting the corroding rust,
And I can smell metallic decay.
Cogs in my brain are turning,
But they're rusting away.
My thoughts are scrambled
Losing my train of thought;
Because the rails are missing
So it merely runs off.
Mountains of imagination
Crumbled into dust;
And the creator of this world
Is losing his own trust.
Rebuilding the mind
Will take some time;
From weeks to months,
But we will persevere.
This world was not created
To simply disappear.
Strolling Down Memory LaneLet us trudge through the sludge
Taking trip down memory lane.
Take a glimpse into the past
To help ease the pain.
The past can freeze bones
So you no longer feel the burn;
Or embrace the flame,
Growing accustomed to the heat.
Whether freezing over,
Or burning alive,
You learn to cope
With forgetten burdens;
Still weighing you down.
Instead of treading through ditches
Of sorrow or pain.
Soon it shall be nothing more
Than a stroll down memory lane.
Stop RunningI'm free of the chains
I've broken my cage;
And yet they pursue
Determination in their blood.
I run through the muck
Sliding into alleys.
Trying to survive
In the enemy trenches.
I can't give myself up
Because I wish to be free;
Free of this tyranny
That locks me away.
I've been considered a rouge
No more than a parasite.
They fear me, I'm a threat
Only because I know
What they do not want me to.
So throw me away
Leave me to die here
With your secrets locked
In an iron chest;
But you won't dispose of me,
So I can never die.
Your secrets will be let loose then
Spreading through the world.
Your biggest mistake was
Letting me live in that cell.
All I had left was hope
And a few false memories,
But it was enough
For me to escape.
Now I'm at your door
To end it all.
There is no need to run
Stop hiding from your fears
Running from your fate.
Conquer the nightmares
And create your own reality.
I'm on the loose
Walking through the streets.
I stroll past enemies
Who don't know me,
what are you?
you freak of nature
you demon from hell....
"The things in life you want to pursue,
are not what daddy did.
Daddy is no sissy,
who sees the colors of life,
Daddy is no softy,
who understands himself."
I hope those are not tears for being the failure you are...
I hope you wipe that smile off your face, because life is not easy...he says.
You want to hold someone?
make sure it is a girl with their mouth sewn shut.
You want to be strong?
then wear your scars with pride...he says.
"Who are you?
you pansy that contemplates life,
Who are you?
because you are not my son."
you little girl...
"and it feels like you will never be a man,
and it feels like you will never succeed,
were you scared?
did it become your worst nightmare
to become a hammer-hitting man...?
you speak of politics, and life,
you tell me how you feel,
i love you....
but i am scared because you are a faggot
this night i remember...
deep from the sea of silence,
comes the rain of mournful tears.
remembering you on this night...
how could i ever forget?
i think back to the day i last saw your sad eyes,
you were so still and had such little to say.
you spoke of wanting to feel free...
and told me the chains only got heavier...
i tried so hard to lift them!
...i wanted to carry your pain.
deep from the forest of whispers,
comes the breeze of lost carresses.
searching for a comfort on this night...
how could i ever smile again?
each step feels weaker than the last,
my eyes trail slowly around this empty scenery...
my heart pounds, but why?
you would want to see me feeling happy...
that you are no longer in pain...
but as i had said countless times,
"i cannot live without you".
© 2005 Millie Colclasure
A Darkness so DeepThere cold so deep that it needs more than heat
A cold that goes beyond your skin
In your bones and in your soul
When the wind has frozen you for so long
Not even fire can warm you
There an exhaustion so heavy that it needs more than sleep
When you’ve gone without sleep
Without rest and without break
For so long you know
That not even a day alone
Will keep it from weighing you down
There is a loneliness so strong that it needs more than love
A strange feeling that persists
Despite friends despite family
It lives so long you’ve forgotten
What it’s like to have a friend
And even with those you love
A line is drawn, a connection cannot be had
There is a sadness so pure that it needs more than joy
When even on the brightest day
And in your greatest moments
A smile feels faked, with nothing
But a cold emptiness inside
Like a sepulchre
Painted in the brightest colours
A perfect face you show
A forced smile will come too easy
Affection you do not feel,
Warmth that is never t
So Will YouMy dear friend why do you dwell in the dust,
Do you think the world will wait for both of us?
I see these have been rather difficult times,
Let me try to ease your pain with a rhyme.
So what if you have failed again?
Tell me, so what, if yet again, you are beat?
Victory is a place you will reach,
Once you cross the stepping stones of defeat.
It doesn't matter how many times you fall,
As long as you get back up and stand tall,
Through thick and thin they made it through,
And I can see it in your eyes, so will you.
Once upon a time a young newspaper artist got fired,
For lacking good ideas and imagination,
So what did he do? He drew a mouse!
And then Walt Disney became a sensation!
"You call this comedy? This is nonsense!"
Said his penurious audience and his rapacious acting staff,
He sat down and cried silently in the rain,
And then Charles Spencer Chaplin made the world laugh.
A dismayed father roared at his son,
"Can you not even identify the treble from the base clef?"
the boy in the mirror smiles lonely
he wished the girl could stay
it seems he can't forget her face
why did she run away?
his tears fall silently
his words are written down
i know, i heard, he cries out loud
because she's not around
i see the scars on his wrists
how they bled and won't stop bleeding
i know even though he searches
he won't find the one he's needing
his clothes are only black
this makes his father mad
deep inside he knows he's not
the son he wished to have
and writing is his passion
and all art is his world
at night no one cares enough to ask,
"how is my little boy?"
the boy in the mirror smiles lonely
he wished the girl could stay
it seems he can't forget her face
i think that ends today
his frown never fades
as the pills are swallowed down
amongst these tears of imperfection
dies the love in which he drowned...
Don't Tell Me You Know...
Don't Tell Me You Know What It's Like
You don't know what it's like
so don't say that you do
you say that we're alike
but I know it isn't true
don't tell me not to be this way
don't tell me not to cry
don't tell me it will be okay
don't say I need to try
don't tell me that you understand
don't tell me that you care
don't say how immature I am
or that life just isn't fair
I'm so tired of this life
of wishing and praying constantly
that I leave this knife
and soon they find what's wrong with me
I know there's something not right in my head
when I never want to leave my bed
you don't know what it's like to feel torn apart
to feel like someone cut out your beating heart
you don't know what it's like
to go through everyday
trying not to kill yourself,
trying not to be this way
I'm so sick of all these pills
none of them will work
on and off so many kinds
it's only made me worse
don't tell me I'll grow out of this
when it's already been nine years
don't tell me when I cry
that I'm not crying
the blind pianist
tapping your fingers...so smoothly the song appears
"this is my story" you whisper in my ear
this is your way of speaking to me,
but the meaning is something you will only see.
hiding your little thoughts,
my heart stops.
Your gloved hands,
Your eyebrows deepen,
your song...so agile.
you will never see,
you will never know,
your own beauty.
You stay so still,
listening to the silence when the story completes,
time ticks so slowly,
amongst the empty streets,
leading you to nothing,
but what is it that inspires you?
You create something,
but in your mind is it so true.
...Your melodies paint beauty...but you will never see the colors.
copyright 2005 Millie Colclasure
There Was A Time...
There was a time when my thoughts were clear
There was a time when hope was near
But those days quickly faded to black
And I never managed to make it back
But in a way, I'm glad
'Cause I'd only be living a lie
Pretending to be someone I'm not
When I only wanted to die
Because there was a time, when I lived in a fear
A time, When I lived in pain
And a time when the sun didn't shine
I could only ever feel the rain
There was a time when I tried so hard,
To be like everyone else
A time when I actually cared
And I'd always think to myself...
Am I always going to live in fear?
Am I always going to live in pain?
Why is it so cold in here?
Why do I feel I'm going insane?
How many times am I going to break?
How many smiles must I fake?
And how many times do I have to fall
Before I finally lose it all?
I can't stand to stay here another day
And watch myself slowly fade away
I never meant to end up here
I've never made a bigger mistake
There must be some way out of here
I don't know how much more
We are the fallen, forsakenWe are the fallen, forsaken
Youth of our time
Boys and girls lost, stranded
With naught but our own kind
Young hearts jaded, broken
Pulsating to a different beat
A generation eager, hoping
A new world to keep
We are the fallen, forsaken
Fighting a world of hate
We are the brave, outspoken
Helping the ignorant awake
Working with a purpose, a plan
The moment is now ours to take
For we are the future, today
Who is ready to stand?
Both Sides of Her HeartI didn't ask for this to be thrown at me
I didn't ask for this role.
I was chosen to lead a pack,
But I can't lead myself.
I didn't ask to fall in love with two
And be torn apart by both.
I could never kill either,
Yet I know I must.
I didn't ask for pups
Or the life that I live.
I don't know if I would've chosen it
If I had the choice to.
I didn't ask for this,
But I have it none the less;
So I should spend what little time I have
Joyously with those I love.
For I love two males,
And I know both are great;
For I am told
From both sides of my heart.
may as well buy another packcollapse, and breathe into the carpet:
sunday mornings are not
for falling apart, but damn
the amphorics, this
is not an atmosphere.
you fell in love like you always
wish you didn't, made all their
smiles replaceable, interchangeable,
fell asleep with shadows and kept
drinking, just letting yourself sleep
with blue pills
and tried not to scream.
(keep this image in your head:
fire and nectarines, a sudden jerk
of realization, inspiration
breaking your neck and leaving you forever
breaking bones is not so different
from breaking hearts - it's all about
the leverage, the angle, the mode
(and at least it wasn't personal;
it can color in your own guilt
for starting lines and never ending
Keep in Touch!